On Turning the big 3-Ohhh! :)

Exactly a week ago, I turned 30. There I said, 30..Three..Zero.. 30! I do not know why I felt the need to say it out as many times as I just did. Maybe it was to see if I feel any different, maybe it was to see if I said it as many times I would develop some magical powers that could change a few things in my life.On retrospect do I need those magical powers? Maybe not, If i look carefully I did have those powers and they were what made my 20’s the decade I left behind so magical.

The 20’s have been amazing to me, I did most of the things that most people do when they are in their 20’s. I feel privileged to have had that opportunity, to experience all those things I did. There were fireworks, first kisses, broken hearts,being broke almost always,the first ridiculously expensive shoes I bought, the first job, meeting my soul mate and many many things that make it a decade that I was worth remembering. There was a lot of figuring it out- “it” being so many things-life,career, education, the one. Now that I am done figuring at least most of it- I am excited to be 30. Those 10 years made me an adult. And I am thankful for it.

Turning 30, is full of exciting possibilities, I know who I am and well, mostly what I want (though the other half might beg to differ). I know that there is no one responsible for my happiness..except for me (cliched), but it is amazing how so many of us know this but refuse to work on it. I know that no one can take my accomplishments of the past decade and no one else can accomplish new things except for me. I spent the last few years of my 20’s being angry and disappointed with myself, with some of the choices I made, with my bad luck and wishing I could live the lives of those around me. The more I wanted that, life told me in not so kind way that you can’t wish to live someone else’s life, you have to live with what you have and the make the most of it, Yes, there will be people who are disappointed with the choices you make, you will be disappointed with the choices you have made but there hey, you can’t please them all, now, can you? And while they tell you how disappointed they are, hopefully there is something that you can take away from it.

So while I look back on the decade that has passed, I hope that some of the learnings from the last decade can be put to good use in this decade. I hope to forgive more often, take care of myself and my short comings. Remember and work on being the master of my destiny and be the touch of sunshine in the lives of the people who I may cross paths with. I have always been one to celebrate and I celebrated bidding my 20’s and welcoming my 30’s in style. I did the spectacular Sydney Harbour Bridge climb (that is another post altogether) and as I stood on the summit looking down on the beautiful city, the sun shining on my face, that at that moment, there was no one else like me, that what I did was my own achievement and no one else could take that away from me. So there I was smiling from ear to ear and proud of the way I embraced 30. You will be kind to me won’t you?

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2014 and thoughts for the new year!

I took more than a year off from here. From writing, coming here and looking at the number of likes or followers I have received. I just took a break from it all. There have been days when I have opened WordPress and started at a blank page, waiting for words; words to form sentences; sentences that would beautifully string together and express what I felt, I saw and experienced. Needless to say, those words and sentences never came together. I Would give up my futile attempt and head back to reality, where someone or something required my attention.

Nevertheless, 2014 was kind to me. It took me home, knocked me down and gave me opportunities to pick up the pieces and move on. It also drilled into me what I had forgotten,’what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’ and stronger did i become the last few months. It taught me that I am who I am and I and I need to live my life by the rules that I had once set for myself. It also gave me a chance to understand that sometimes you need to let go of self doubt and fear to create a path for yourself.

This past year gave me an opportunity to pursue two things that I am passionate about dance and baking. There has been nothing more liberating than realising that I am good at it and there is nothing more than being on stage that brings out the better of me. When I thought that is all that I could be better at, I found myself covered knee, hands, face deep in butter, sugar, flour, eggs and all things rich and decadent three days a week full time.I learnt patience, need to shower care and love into every dough, cake or sweet treats that you make. I realised that a dough is a living thing. It responds to love, warmth, patience and the opportunity to grow and turn into something wonderful. A dough taught me that relationships are like that it needs all these things to grow and be what it needs to be. I had to value my life, my being and those in my life to see relationships blossom and be what they are meant to be. I needed to stop breathe and inject some of this learning into my life and my relationships.

So as we have wrapped bu 2014, I look forward to the new year, there are goals and desires that I hope to achieve. I hope to find God’s love and guidance as the new year unfolds. I hope the next 364 days will show me the paths that are for me to travel, I hope to be courageous and adventurous and to live life by my rules.

here is hoping that the NEW Year brings all things positive and the courage to face challenges that the year and days bring.

When the husband takes over the kitchen! ;)

I, like most people grew up in a household where mum did all the cooking. The moment she walked in through the door at 4 in the evening we were all over her asking her what’s for tea and then what’s for dinner :). I am sure she used to dread walking back home just because of that one question. So when I decided to get married I had, somewhere in the back of my head to find someone who knew how to cook and guess what I did! 🙂 And thus, begins the story of this post! 🙂

So where I am going with this is that I came across this gem of a word during one of those infamous news paper tracking days at my previous job.

Gastrosexual,
noun
“A term used to describe men see cooking as a hobby and not just a chore, taking the household chore part away from it. Gastrosexual men will use six pans when one will do and then leave you with the washing up.”

There was only one person I knew who fit this description extremely well…yes, that most definitely is my better half.

There really is nothing more enticing, ladies..I promise, than a man who can make a meal that too a really fancy one at that. It would be safe to say that I fell hook line and sinker for such a man. So, while I a starry-eyed bride thought that I was one of those lucky few women on earth to have snagged a guy who can sing and cook,little did I know the horrors that were to follow.(maybe I exaggerate a tad bit!)

So like every married couple we played house some days me making the meals and the other days him 🙂 The first few times every time he made dinner/lunch/breakfast I wouldn’t crib about the mess just be the good wife and wash the spoons, plates and the zillion other utensils that were used. But a few months into being married i realized that I was stressing more about the cleaning than enjoying the lavish dinner that was put in front of me.
So,it’s reached a point these days where I just do something else to keep myself occupied; 1) just to resist the urge to walk into the kitchen 2)lest I feel like giving him a lecture about cleaning up which in the end makes me sound like an epic nag and end up spoiling our appetites.

So all you lovely ladies out there,if you think marrying a man who can cook a meal is a wonderful idea make sure you ask him the all important question..can he clean up after the Masterchefy meal that he has prepared for you? If the answer is yes,you have won the Lotto..if not just be nice say thank you for the meal and leave the dishes for tomorrow, that way you do not diminish your chances to get another meal cooked with a lot of love and care!

P.S. After three years I would like to believe that my husband has learned to cook using 2 pans instead of the 6! 😉

I miss you like never before :(

Love!there is so much that this one word embodies. It inspires, it breaks our heart, it keeps us lonely and does so many things that leaves us yearning. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” they say and among the many times just last week I realized how much distance can make my heart long.

I bid Sajan farewell at the airport last week; and that was the first time he was going away somewhere so far far away from me, that even if I wanted I couldn’t take a train, cab or any other means if I wanted to. We have been together from the moment we met. Three months of courtship was when we stayed apart every single day a few hours together and life seemed so perfect till now. After being together every single day, it’s now that I realise how MUCH I LOVE U and how difficult it is to stay apart.

The whole of last week my heart was just so full that my eyes would well up with tears that it would break Sajan’s heart to see my bawl my eyes out!
It broke my heart when we listened to our song to know that the bags are packed and that you are going away! 😦

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone; Leaving on a jet plane John Denver 🙂

There is so much that I miss about him now that he is gone…I miss waking up in the morning to that lovely smile,I miss those bike rides to work( it broke my heart giving off the keys to the bike) :(,I miss calling you for all the big and the small things, I miss holding your hand, I miss the hugs, the cuddles, the fights…more than all this and the million other things I miss your presence.. the fact that you are not gonna be sitting in that corner fiddling with the laptop and annoying the life out of me 🙂 😦 or you’re not going to be strumming your guitar or hear you sing! I miss you loads and I just wish the days would fly by so that i could touchdown and run straight into your arms…

the first time I sat on his bike 🙂 love the man and his machine! miss both

It’s hard to believe that I never realized how so much a part of me you have become. I know people who are married to each other become like that…but it is now that I appreciate the blessing you are in my life 🙂

There is no one who would tolerate my nakras as much as you would, the silly reasons for which i would drag you across the room only to put the spoon in the holder 🙂 and the zillion other things for which I would whine,get flustered about and make a mountain out of a molehill.From drilling sense into my head to holding me when I wanted to cry you have seen me through a lot and I love you for all of it!

I know you’re lonely too,the city is big there are so many things and places that I know makes you wish we were together. I wish you were here to hug and sleep every night and tomorrow the world would be a better place coz you are around!:)

I hope and pray that the day will pass quickly and even before I know we are together again!

Bucket-list

It’s funny how these days everything i do, say or even want to do is only related to my wedding! i wonder wat is that makes me feel this way..probably i m already freaking out about saying goodbye to single hood and being embraced into the folds of matrimony!
or just that i am worried about life long commitment ( nt to worry hubby to be..i’ll be there at the altar)….

well sidey jokes apart..the idea of writing this i have had this huge list in head..my ‘bucket list’ of things to do before i got married and always wanted to do at some point of time and this post …..
so, there goes my long list of things..some of which i have done..some that i guess will only remain on the list coz i’ll never have guts to do it and some i’ll hopefully do once i am married…some of it is stuff that everyone wants to and so do i!

1. Go back packing/ camping far far away…far away from civilisation (did that a month and also the trek where i met pati to be :D)
2. get a tatoo ( hmm…i am scared as hell of needles..i guess i’ll have to take some sleeping pills and sleep through it! )
3. get an entire album of black & white pictures taken..of me..pictures that capture each of my mood..ya i know what you people thinking..i m a wee bit self obsessed! 😛
4. Sleep under the stars ( yup that’s wat the intention was when we went camping, but it rained cats & dogs.. sigh! =( )
5. Find a job that i loveeeeeeeee
6. Learn how to drive & then drive the most expensive car! :d
7. Learn to play an instrument
8. want to do that one all girls trip, where all my friends are there!
9. Change my name into some really exotic! i wonder wat that wld be though?! hmmm
10.Sing in front of an audience ! =)
11.be told by that one stranger that i am the most beautiful girl he/she has ever seen!
12.to own something outrageously expensive
13.to ask someone i have just met once to go on a date with me
14.to be madly deeply in love and feel the happiest when around that person
15.wake up everyday and not crib abt anything…and tell my family i love them
16.dance..dance..and dance like i have never done all these years..in short get back to learning dance
17. make some random person smile!=)
18. Believe in self, believe even more strongly in God, love the life that he has given!
19. Write a song! 😀
20. somewhere sometime hope to make each one of these come true! =)

Change..up ahead!

6a00d83451e1dc69e20120a516b74a970b-800wiC.H.A.N.G.E : probably the most constant of elements in all our lives…change has with it the power to breathe new life into everything it touches. One of those laws of nature that however hard you try to fight you can never win that battle.

Change is everywhere..in everything we do, its there in the seasons, its there when that first tooth of yours falls off, its there when you take your first baby step, change comes when you fall in love, when you pack you bags and move away from home for the first time its there when you graduate from school or college, its there the first time somebody breaks your heart. Change changes everything around you, makes bells ring and has a whole band playing the first time you fall in love and meet your soulmate! 😀 it changes you, changes the very meaning of your existance….

but there is something abt change that makes you hesitate, that holds you back from taking that first step, that makes you not wanna let go off that hand that you always wanna hold onto! But change becomes inevitable….and we have to live with it..it mite hurt, it might make you happy…but it will show you another facet of life that will make you a better person and make life worth living! 🙂

Becoming Radha…..

“Radha marks the existence of Krishna, for she is his soul. While the trinity and the three worlds bow to Krishna; Krishna himself bows to Radha. Radha’s beauty, love, devotion and power create the ethics of love.”- i picked these lines from a Times of India article that I was reading…

Ah! such beautiful words that describes this wonderful relationship between Radha and Krishna! It’s not everyday that somebody describes this favorite couple with such ease. Destiny brings with it people and relationships that cant be given names…and life gave me my Krishna…till yesterday I didn’t know how to describe what I felt and shared with you…and these lines just describes you and me perfectly… those lines just put in place what you and me have been trying to figure out!

Through this journey of life, we have shared every day with each other, every emotion, every worry and our lives have become so intertwined that it’s impossible to think of existing without you…. Never have I known such feeling of love for anyone…and never have I trusted someone who my every fear, every joy and every thought I know I can share with you with such ease that….its never been this way with anyone… I know things will change and I will always remain Radha…the one who is always your favorite, the one who will love and knows will be loved…but never be yours!

I, your Radha am sure always be a part of your existence…all I ask hence is to let me love you…and go on loving you…knowing very well that I cant have you!