On Turning the big 3-Ohhh! :)

Exactly a week ago, I turned 30. There I said, 30..Three..Zero.. 30! I do not know why I felt the need to say it out as many times as I just did. Maybe it was to see if I feel any different, maybe it was to see if I said it as many times I would develop some magical powers that could change a few things in my life.On retrospect do I need those magical powers? Maybe not, If i look carefully I did have those powers and they were what made my 20’s the decade I left behind so magical.

The 20’s have been amazing to me, I did most of the things that most people do when they are in their 20’s. I feel privileged to have had that opportunity, to experience all those things I did. There were fireworks, first kisses, broken hearts,being broke almost always,the first ridiculously expensive shoes I bought, the first job, meeting my soul mate and many many things that make it a decade that I was worth remembering. There was a lot of figuring it out- “it” being so many things-life,career, education, the one. Now that I am done figuring at least most of it- I am excited to be 30. Those 10 years made me an adult. And I am thankful for it.

Turning 30, is full of exciting possibilities, I know who I am and well, mostly what I want (though the other half might beg to differ). I know that there is no one responsible for my happiness..except for me (cliched), but it is amazing how so many of us know this but refuse to work on it. I know that no one can take my accomplishments of the past decade and no one else can accomplish new things except for me. I spent the last few years of my 20’s being angry and disappointed with myself, with some of the choices I made, with my bad luck and wishing I could live the lives of those around me. The more I wanted that, life told me in not so kind way that you can’t wish to live someone else’s life, you have to live with what you have and the make the most of it, Yes, there will be people who are disappointed with the choices you make, you will be disappointed with the choices you have made but there hey, you can’t please them all, now, can you? And while they tell you how disappointed they are, hopefully there is something that you can take away from it.

So while I look back on the decade that has passed, I hope that some of the learnings from the last decade can be put to good use in this decade. I hope to forgive more often, take care of myself and my short comings. Remember and work on being the master of my destiny and be the touch of sunshine in the lives of the people who I may cross paths with. I have always been one to celebrate and I celebrated bidding my 20’s and welcoming my 30’s in style. I did the spectacular Sydney Harbour Bridge climb (that is another post altogether) and as I stood on the summit looking down on the beautiful city, the sun shining on my face, that at that moment, there was no one else like me, that what I did was my own achievement and no one else could take that away from me. So there I was smiling from ear to ear and proud of the way I embraced 30. You will be kind to me won’t you?

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2014 and thoughts for the new year!

I took more than a year off from here. From writing, coming here and looking at the number of likes or followers I have received. I just took a break from it all. There have been days when I have opened WordPress and started at a blank page, waiting for words; words to form sentences; sentences that would beautifully string together and express what I felt, I saw and experienced. Needless to say, those words and sentences never came together. I Would give up my futile attempt and head back to reality, where someone or something required my attention.

Nevertheless, 2014 was kind to me. It took me home, knocked me down and gave me opportunities to pick up the pieces and move on. It also drilled into me what I had forgotten,’what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’ and stronger did i become the last few months. It taught me that I am who I am and I and I need to live my life by the rules that I had once set for myself. It also gave me a chance to understand that sometimes you need to let go of self doubt and fear to create a path for yourself.

This past year gave me an opportunity to pursue two things that I am passionate about dance and baking. There has been nothing more liberating than realising that I am good at it and there is nothing more than being on stage that brings out the better of me. When I thought that is all that I could be better at, I found myself covered knee, hands, face deep in butter, sugar, flour, eggs and all things rich and decadent three days a week full time.I learnt patience, need to shower care and love into every dough, cake or sweet treats that you make. I realised that a dough is a living thing. It responds to love, warmth, patience and the opportunity to grow and turn into something wonderful. A dough taught me that relationships are like that it needs all these things to grow and be what it needs to be. I had to value my life, my being and those in my life to see relationships blossom and be what they are meant to be. I needed to stop breathe and inject some of this learning into my life and my relationships.

So as we have wrapped bu 2014, I look forward to the new year, there are goals and desires that I hope to achieve. I hope to find God’s love and guidance as the new year unfolds. I hope the next 364 days will show me the paths that are for me to travel, I hope to be courageous and adventurous and to live life by my rules.

here is hoping that the NEW Year brings all things positive and the courage to face challenges that the year and days bring.

I miss you like never before :(

Love!there is so much that this one word embodies. It inspires, it breaks our heart, it keeps us lonely and does so many things that leaves us yearning. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” they say and among the many times just last week I realized how much distance can make my heart long.

I bid Sajan farewell at the airport last week; and that was the first time he was going away somewhere so far far away from me, that even if I wanted I couldn’t take a train, cab or any other means if I wanted to. We have been together from the moment we met. Three months of courtship was when we stayed apart every single day a few hours together and life seemed so perfect till now. After being together every single day, it’s now that I realise how MUCH I LOVE U and how difficult it is to stay apart.

The whole of last week my heart was just so full that my eyes would well up with tears that it would break Sajan’s heart to see my bawl my eyes out!
It broke my heart when we listened to our song to know that the bags are packed and that you are going away! 😦

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone; Leaving on a jet plane John Denver 🙂

There is so much that I miss about him now that he is gone…I miss waking up in the morning to that lovely smile,I miss those bike rides to work( it broke my heart giving off the keys to the bike) :(,I miss calling you for all the big and the small things, I miss holding your hand, I miss the hugs, the cuddles, the fights…more than all this and the million other things I miss your presence.. the fact that you are not gonna be sitting in that corner fiddling with the laptop and annoying the life out of me 🙂 😦 or you’re not going to be strumming your guitar or hear you sing! I miss you loads and I just wish the days would fly by so that i could touchdown and run straight into your arms…

the first time I sat on his bike 🙂 love the man and his machine! miss both

It’s hard to believe that I never realized how so much a part of me you have become. I know people who are married to each other become like that…but it is now that I appreciate the blessing you are in my life 🙂

There is no one who would tolerate my nakras as much as you would, the silly reasons for which i would drag you across the room only to put the spoon in the holder 🙂 and the zillion other things for which I would whine,get flustered about and make a mountain out of a molehill.From drilling sense into my head to holding me when I wanted to cry you have seen me through a lot and I love you for all of it!

I know you’re lonely too,the city is big there are so many things and places that I know makes you wish we were together. I wish you were here to hug and sleep every night and tomorrow the world would be a better place coz you are around!:)

I hope and pray that the day will pass quickly and even before I know we are together again!

Change..up ahead!

6a00d83451e1dc69e20120a516b74a970b-800wiC.H.A.N.G.E : probably the most constant of elements in all our lives…change has with it the power to breathe new life into everything it touches. One of those laws of nature that however hard you try to fight you can never win that battle.

Change is everywhere..in everything we do, its there in the seasons, its there when that first tooth of yours falls off, its there when you take your first baby step, change comes when you fall in love, when you pack you bags and move away from home for the first time its there when you graduate from school or college, its there the first time somebody breaks your heart. Change changes everything around you, makes bells ring and has a whole band playing the first time you fall in love and meet your soulmate! 😀 it changes you, changes the very meaning of your existance….

but there is something abt change that makes you hesitate, that holds you back from taking that first step, that makes you not wanna let go off that hand that you always wanna hold onto! But change becomes inevitable….and we have to live with it..it mite hurt, it might make you happy…but it will show you another facet of life that will make you a better person and make life worth living! 🙂

Boring…..

Boredom these days seem to define my life. They say an ‘idle mind is the devils workshop’ but i guess my mind has become so boring that devil himself has refused to reside or let alone pay me a visit.

For most people who know me I come across as a live wire..so completely full of energy,so much energy i have that i am know i can surely get people hooked to me, on the other hand if i am bored i am right the extreme.
It’s so ironical that we all say that we live a fast paced life, the world has become smaller, technology rules our life and life’s happening but despite…all of it, but we are Bored! life is not fun anymore,people are boring,work is boring, clothes r boring..everything is just BORING!!!

I guess its ‘coz we have everything we want but we just fail to stop breathe and live. We forget that apart from all of the things that makes us happy are material and we are on that constant journey…journey to rediscover and find ourselves…and find things that makes us happy!

probably…this would be one of the most boring posts i ever wrote…see yet again another BORING, because I have no idea where this post is heading to!

hmmm…but after all the gyan i gave on soul searching..i aint in a mood for following it…I m in a mood to pack my bags, gather a bunch of friends, get a big picnic bag and head to pastures where life will be greener and boredom will have no space! 🙂 maybe just call in sick tomorrow also..just to kick boredom in the Butt!! 😉

Simple Joys of Life….

I love smiling…and I take an extra pleasure in making people smile! 🙂 There is nothing like a smile that can brighten a day, make u skip a heart beat, make you come across as a friendly person…all of it… and all it takes is a smile… I believe in the simple joys of life…simple things, thoughtful actions all make me smile.

Having stayed so far away from home and having lived in hostels all through college…that has been my home ground of learning where the it’s the simple joys in life that matter…from that occasional ‘thank you’ notes, to that big bear hug when you are down, to surprise b’day parties, and the waarm fuzzies game all of it made you smile…even those midnite snacks had their special charm!

A while back, me and a friend attended the Sunday mass there was this really sweet girl who was really nt interested in ahem… the mass..but fascinated by this ant trying to make its way under her chair! 🙂 as we watched she quietly slipped down her chair and found a twig to distract the ant from finding it way and she immediately wld drop the twig when the ant came close to biting her & she would continue again..till she got tired of it!..both of us smiled..childlike innocence..i say!there is nothing like it..:D

Life is such..its the simple things..the rains, the leaves rustling in the wind, the familiar fragnance in the wind that reminds u of some1, that long forgotten song… all of those bring a smile to your face! 🙂 I m sure each of us our little stash of things that give us joy..it’s jus that we forget about it.. its always good..to unwind, look for those simple joys.. and do something special that will make some1 else smile…for then and there u find the simple joy’s of life! 🙂